In my 53 years, this is the first Christmas that I’m not excited. The first Christmas that I have yet to buy a single Christmas gift. The first Christmas without my children at home. The first Christmas in an empty nest. On top of that, my mother is dying, and I don’t know how much longer she will be alive.

The upcoming holiday has hit me hard, and I’m considering spending Christmas elsewhere—perhaps by the ocean, my favorite place where I feel closest to God. For some, it’s the mountains, but for me, the ebb and flow of the endless water brings tranquility.

Whether I am home or away for Christmas, I need to find peace. Currently, any thought of Christmas causes my eyes to water. Sometimes it’s a sprinkle or two and sometimes a downpour. If I remain at home, I do not want my children to find me down and depressed when they visit. Christmas isn’t always about bows, baking, family and fun; sometimes it’s sorrow, sadness and loneliness.

Here are the things I’m doing in the days and weeks leading up to Christmas to find peace:

Remember the reason for the season

Many people face holiday sadness due to loss, loneliness, an empty nest or something else. When it comes to Christmas, there is a special reason to celebrate that extends beyond presents. Without Christ, there is no Christmas; Jesus is the main character of Christmas. Without His presence, the presents mean very little.

Though my heart is sad, I know joy and sadness can coexist. I just don’t want the sadness to tip the scales. Therefore, I’m focusing on the miracle of Christ at Christmas. I’m not suppressing feelings of sadness. When tears come, I let them flow. Then, I press on by recalling why we celebrate Christmas in the first place.

This Christmas crisis is an eye-opener. I now understand the holiday struggle that many feel during this time of the year. The circumstances may vary, but sadness and grief are universal. Compassion for others who are hurting is increasing and that’s always a good thing.

Do something new

In the days leading up to Christmas, I am trying something new to cope with the holiday sadness. By learning a new skill or getting out of my box, I can expand my horizons instead of remaining in a rut.

I’m not a particularly crafty person; however, I am making homemade Christmas ornaments. The process gives me a sense of accomplishment, and I will have something meaningful to give my children and others.

I’m also mixing up my holiday decorating, listening to more Christmas music and watching a plethora of Christmas movies. Instead avoiding the Christmas season, I am purposefully embracing it.

Write it down

Writing is how I process my emotions, allowing them to come to the surface, so I can deal with them in a healthy manner. Writing is therapeutic. Some days it’s in the form of an article like this one; other days, it may be poetry or journaling.

I’m also becoming a modern-day scribe, of sorts by handwriting the gospel account of Jesus’ birth from the Bible. This allows me to slow down and process what is taking place and the significance of it all.

Additionally, I count my blessings and name them one by one, as the Sunday school song goes. Gratefulness ushers in joy, something I’m lacking right now. While it is a process, I am convinced that by the time Christmas Day arrives, my heart will be pleasantly full of joy.

Do something fun

Though I am sad now, I don’t have to stay that way. These feelings of sadness and loneliness may ebb and flow throughout the holidays, but I can be proactive and deliberately incorporate fun into the season.

For the first time in my hometown’s history, there will be an old-fashioned Christmas celebration. The event includes the town tree lighting, music at multiple churches, craft and food vendors, a live nativity and carolers throughout the streets. I am planning to attend and am looking forward to it.

I also bought tickets for my husband and me to attend a Christ Tomlin Christmas concert. I love attending Christian concerts and worshipping with thousands of other believers, so this is right up my alley. Bonus: being a Christmas concert, the songs will help to put the Christmas season in perspective.

Focus on others

I was always taught that the best way to lighten my burden is to focus on lightening the burdens of others. Serving others, lending a listening ear, or just being there in whatever way is needed has a way of uplifting all involved.

Shifting my focus from myself to others who may be sad, suffering or grieving is what love is all about. Yes, I am struggling this holiday season, but so are others. And really, isn’t giving what it’s all about? Consider John 3:16:

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”

Love gives, even when it’s painful.

I’m currently exploring community opportunities to serve during the Christmas season. For the first time, I am working on “Blessings Boxes” for abused, or otherwise in need, women. Like the Grinch, my heart is already expanding in size.

Not every holiday season will be happy, and that’s okay. No matter my circumstances, I don’t have to wallow in sorrow or even self-pity. I can change the narrative and write my own story. I can take proactive measures to make the most of a difficult time. Above all, I can invite Christ into my every moment and fully recognize the presence of Emmanuel, God with us.